Looks like I am on a blogging spree. A quick update. I couldn’t go on a holiday. In my previous post I had mentioned that I’d be taking a much needed break. However, due to personal reasons the plan had to be rescheduled.
Along with my friends I went to watch The Conjuring 2 movie (I get easily frightened in horror movies but I went to watch to accompany my friends). I was observing few erratic mood occurring every now and then. I tried to keep myself in check. I could feel darkness creeping inside me. I felt an air of melancholy surrounding me. I tried to ignore it and be cheerful with friends. The rest of the day we spent window shopping.
After dropping my friends on way back to my paying guest accommodation, I broke down incessantly in the cab. I could not come to terms with what was happening and all I knew was tears were flowing down my cheeks. I felt remorseful. I felt lonely. I was questioning my existence. I was feeling worthless. I wanted to scream. My head was throbbing with pain. I felt bottled up and choked. The cab driver was stunned to hear me sobbing. He did not know what to do and asked me if everything was fine. I just asked him to follow the GPS and drop me to my location as fast as possible.
I was praying hard and holding onto hope. I knew what was happening to me finally. It was my first bipolar episode after two months of normalcy. This time I knew what I had to do. The moment I reached home, I picked my journal and started writing down all my thoughts that were flowing at that very moment. I spoke to my youngest sibling to find comfort. I called up my close friends and informed them what was happening. Yet the tears were flowing. I guzzled a bottle of water and kept reminding myself that this phase shall pass off very soon.
I quickly popped up my medicines ( I must admit I skipped my medicines two days before this episode) and was waiting for sleep to comfort me. Sleep decided to betray though and, my head was throbbing with pain again. I prayed to almighty to give me strength. I stay in a place with eleven people around me yet I was feeling very lonely. I yearned for my parents. I yearned for a friend who always boosted me emotionally but this time I couldn’t reach this friend of mine, he was too far from my reach. I was searching for my inner strength.
I was able to sleep after sometime. The next day morning I was woken up by a painful headache. My eyes were swollen and I lacked energy. I was feeling numb and mute. I wanted to hug my mother at that moment. I knew I had to fight this phase. I decided to stay in bed and read e-books from my iPad and watch a movie too. This helped me to divert my mind. Eventually I started feeling good.
The next day I attended office. I was still dull and I decided to call my parents and tell them about my bipolar episode. My parents filled in hope and told me everything will be fine. The rest of the day went off normally, I event coordinated an event. Currently I feel good. I am observing my moods. I am keeping myself busy with tasks and reading materials.
Now when I look back I feel happy that I held on to my hope tightly. I took preventive measures. I did not pay a heed to my episode though it tried to pull me down. I guess this attitude matters a lot. This will help me thrive in the long run.
Let me know what you were up to and I will update soon. Until next time.